apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
