He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
