I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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