You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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