Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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