My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
