Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
