Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
should my penis look like a turkey
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
