Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
