just survived the first fart of the relationship.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
