I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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