I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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