I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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