Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
do herpes really smell.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
