My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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