I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize