i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
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How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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