OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
whose ass print is on the piano?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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