I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
