There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
