I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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