your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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