The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
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She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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