im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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