he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
