woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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