someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Do vagina's smell?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
