haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
