last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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