Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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