Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
this will be a night to untag.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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