Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
