Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
