just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
