Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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