mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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