i permit you to call me
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
