I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
