new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
