I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
