He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
