I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
