Got a toothbrush?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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