It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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