He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
