How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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