did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
