We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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