I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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