Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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