She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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