Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize
