you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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