But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
