...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
