So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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