I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
