So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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