This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
