Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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