I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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