I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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