your parents love me but you hate me
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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