u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
