i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
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we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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