so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So I just went to clothing optional bar
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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