he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
