You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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