I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
