come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
